A Divided Cadence
by Reamhar
Summary: Here is my self pitying, self epitaph. I am Bella Swan, the most ordinary of ordinary girls who got dragged into the most extraordinary of situations by being in the wrong place at the right time. I died trying to save the people who loved me, without knowing if my sacrifice will succeed. Twilight arc AU Bella/Carlisle. Ever had a story idea that wouldn't shut up? This is mine.
1. Prologue

**A Divided Cadence**

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Disclaimer

All characters, text and story lines from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephanie Meyers and any related copy right owners. I am just borrowing them briefly for non monetary purposes. No infringement is intended.

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Acknowledgement

Many thanks to Project Team Beta for beta reading and corrections.

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_Hours fly,  
Flowers die  
New days,  
New ways,  
Pass by.  
Love stays._

_Time is  
Too Slow for those who Wait,  
Too Swift for those who Fear,  
Too Long for those who Grieve,  
Too Short for those who Rejoice;  
But for those who Love,  
Time is not._

_For Katrina's Sun-dial - Henry Van Dyke_

Prologue – Regrets

I'm honestly terrified. Can't catch my breath, crying tears that won't stop, sick-to-my-stomach, _terrified_.

I had hoped I might find hidden strength to face this with courage and dignity, like a biblical martyr or fictional heroine from a book or movie. As I sit waiting on my knees in the mud of the forest floor a sobbing, snivelling mess, I can see the foolishness behind that wish. Fear doesn't really lend itself to the creation of dignity– at least not for me. It simply is what it is.

I guess all anyone has at the end are memories. I will hold onto mine for the time I have left; every important one and every silly one. I let them run through my mind as tears track down my cold cheeks. The faces of Charlie, Renee, Phil, Jacob, Billy, Rachel and Rebecca. Moments from my life in Phoenix with Renee and every school holiday I spent in La Push and Forks with Charlie. I wish I had tried harder to pay more attention to the important people in my life while I was able.

There it is – a new regret– but I have no time to linger on it, or any of the others. I'm out of time to grieve for only twenty years lived, a college course that will never be finished, friendships that won't have the opportunity to thrive, and for no first love or last love.

Perhaps they will make it quick. Perhaps they will draw it out. Perhaps they are waiting in the darkness of the forest enjoying my misery. I have no idea. I guess, in the end, it doesn't matter: the hows, or the whens, or the whys of it.

If I can take one truth out of the many ways I am finding sorrow rather than peace in this situation, it is that I lived my life and was loved. Perhaps that is enough to be able to say that dying for the people that I love doesn't seem like such a waste; even if I can't walk towards my death with courage. I'm not stupid – I don't want to die.

So here is my self pitying, self epitaph. I am Bella Swan, the most ordinary of ordinary girls who got dragged into the most extraordinary of situations by being in the wrong place at the right time. I died trying to save the people who loved me, without knowing if my sacrifice will succeed.

I am not brave, or thankful, or at peace. I am not a warrior, a martyr, or a heroine. I am simply me, and this is my end.

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_Song for the Chapter (if you want one) Jill Andrews – Rust or Gold_


	2. Chapter 1 - A Conversation With Edward

Acknowledgement

Many thanks to Project Team Beta for beta reading and corrections.

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Chapter One - A Conversation With Edward

_The minute I heard my first love story,_  
_I started looking for you, not knowing_  
_how blind that was._  
_Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,_  
_they're in each other all along._

_Rumi_

There's a vastness about the sky at night in this part of the world that I find humbling. A trillion and more stars cushioned against the inky blackness of the universe, lifetimes of distance away and yet immediately available for all to see.

Immortality can make you jaded with what is amazing in the world, if allowed. Seven Wonders once visited many times become humdrum. A fine art masterpiece can be just a picture. The creation of new life can come to seem mundane.

I've never allowed my world view to be so altered, and it is places and moments like this that I use to keep myself grounded to the life that I want to lead rather than the burden that comes with living too long. The exquisiteness of life's simple moments and its absurdities need to be appreciated to have value. I am valuing both of these right now.

I'm sitting on a flat slab of stone which is part of a cliff which has been eroded into two by the path of the Flat Head River as it tumbles over a small waterfall. The nighttime lonely beauty of the river valley, framed by a mountain range and the forest in the distance is laid out below me. Silent, stately and timeless. In this view lies a simple life moment. The absurdity lies in the fact that I am in the middle of the Glacier National Park dressed in hospital scrubs reading emails on a smart phone while waiting for the family to finish hunting.

This hunting trip was planned, but my delay at the hospital was not. Alice's insistence that I did not have time to change into more suitable clothes before we set out was unusual, but I know better than to argue with Alice. So here I am in the wilderness looking like an extra for a TV hospital drama. It's not as though I need the correct clothing to survive the elements, and I doubt the local wildlife will care that I have Dr Carlisle Cullen, M.D. embroidered to my navy scrubs instead of the label-less fleece, jeans and hiking boots that I had been planning to wear. Still, the general idiocy of the situation amuses me.

Looking up from the screen of my cell phone, I see the trees parting behind me as Edward approached and came to sit by my side.

"I like eavesdropping on your mind. Your sense of the ridiculous is similar to my own. Alice mentioned that the storm is likely to break on our way back, so you can add soaking wet scrubs to the mental image that has you so amused."

My eyes shifted to take in the way the trees are bending in the building wind and the moving reflection of the valley fog and rain clouds on the navy coloured yet mirror bright surface of the river. It's a moody, atmospheric scene making my current outfit seem all the more absurd. I smiled at the contradiction of it, and Edward laughed softly beside me.

_You're not eavesdropping when you are welcome to my thoughts. I'm glad my mental chattering brings you humour. I know your gift can be wearing._

"Rather like immortality?" he said, poking gentle fun at my earlier musings.

_Indeed._

"From Esme?" he asked, referring to the email I had been reading previously. I let my mind replay the content for his attention. She had been enthusiastically describing starting her Psychology PhD. at the University of Alaska in Anchorage.

_She's still looking for a property in Anchorage as a fake base. I don't think even Esme could sweet-talk her colleagues into accepting a four hundred mile daily commute from Denali to school as credible._

Edward is silent for several minutes, thinking. "It feels like this is the longest she has lived separate from the family."

_She has lived apart from us before. You all have at different times._

"I don't know why, this just seems different; more permanent. Like something is changing. I've been wondering if Esme is the source of Alice's visions these part months. About a change coming."

_It's possible but I would have expected the visions to be less intangible than they have been if they related directly to Esme. Don't you think?_

He made a dismissive sound under his breath. "It was an idle thought, don't concern yourself. Alice doesn't seem particularly perturbed."

_ I had wondered if you were considering joining Esme in Denali, you know Tanya would welcome you. You've seemed distracted lately. It had me thinking._

He shrugged. "No, that hadn't occurred to me. I had considered that I might be the subject of change that Alice keeps alluding to. I suppose amongst such lengthy and speculative consideration of an undefined future event, it's natural to let your[V10] mind wonder on the possibilities. I mean, how long has she been getting them now? Six months? "

I nodded. _You have seemed restless lately. Pensive. _

"I have no plans to leave. No more so than any other time, don't concern yourself," he said, but I have the sense that he is trying to distract me.

He smiled wryly. "Perhaps I am. I don't know… with Esme being away and your thoughts being drawn in her direction. Well, add that to my usual ability to over think in general and my mood might have drifted down melancholy paths."

_Esme would be upset to think that her absence is having that affect on you._

"It's not about Esme, directly. It's just a topic that comes to mind from time to time."

_Ahh. I think I understand now. It is one of the many paradoxes of this existence, is it not, that it possible to not lose someone even though they have left, and at the same time miss somebody that you have never met._

A look of guarded discomfort crossed his face, and I know I have discerned the direction of his mood, at least in part.

"Like I said, it's a passing occupation with a subject that comes and goes in my mind."

_You know that neither Esme nor I consider her to be gone from the family._

"I understand that," he replied with mild irritation.

_As do I, Edward. I only desire to help you find some sort of acceptance or optimism, if you will. I know this is something that we have both struggled with._

"I think you're making more of this than is perhaps necessary," he dismissed.

_Humour me. _

"If I must." His expression was long suffering but not hostile. Directness is usually to best policy with Edward, so I ploughed on.

_ Would you ever consider seeking a companion?_

Edward took several minutes before replying to my question. "I've considered it. It's not like I haven't had offers." His lips curved into a wry, lopsided grin.

A memory of our last visit to Denali and the interest of the beautiful Tanya comes to mind. She and all of her sisters were not mated. Vegetarian like us, they had stopped feeding on humans because of their affection for the human companions they had taken over their long lives.

_Tanya has certainly been persistent in her interest in your attention. _

His smile widened."Persistent is a very diplomatic way of putting it."

_She shares your beliefs and diet, is intelligent and incomparably beautiful. _He frowns. _And yet it is not enough for you, I think._

"After you found Esme, seeing all of the good that you did for each other, I was tempted enough to consider the possibilities. You both gave me an example of how such a companionship might work." His eyes seemed distant, as though recalling a memory. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered Tanya's _offers_ in the light of that example, but something has always held me back."

The very heart of our unique family. Beautiful, benevolent, loving Esme. We were married for more than five decades and healed each other in so many ways. Esme recovered from the memories and distrust caused by a brutal marriage and I from centuries of lonely wandering. We were never mates, in the true sense of the meaning, but came together at a time when we were both drowning within our own lives. We acted as each other's safe harbour for many decades until our life-storms settled, and we were able to move forward without each other.

When she came to this life, she was a shadow of the bright, idealist girl that I had known her to be in her teens. Life's cruelties and losses had stolen much of her spirit but none of her capacity to love. I think that was what finally persuaded me to bring her into my life, a desire to cherish and protect a precious spirit that had been broken. After her change, she did not contest my request that she stay with Edward and I. The conventions and morality in which we had both grown up led us easily from friendship to marriage. Edward was the son that she lost and I was the husband that she should have had. We were a family in all the ways that mattered to a woman who, above all other things, is a natural mother.

Born into a culture where she was the responsibility of the men in her life: her father, her husband and then, to a lesser extent, me. It was little wonder that she eventually grew into a new sense of self during our time together. I had rejoiced to see her blossom and grow.

The decision to separate came to fruition twenty years ago, and I had wished her nothing but well. We had outgrown our relationship. So our family story evolved for the outside world. We became a divorced couple with children and foster children, instead of the façade of a married couple. Following our move from Forks, Washington to Montana she had decided to be apart from the family, choosing to spend time with our extended family in Denali, Alaska for this chapter in our family's history.

Of course apart is a very relative term for vampires, with limitless time and the ability to travel fast over great distances, she was a close as neighbour in many respects. Esme was apart but not absent from our home and never needed to be welcomed back because she had never really left.

Edward studied my face as my mind considered the wider subject that we had been discussing before.

"Did you ever regret changing Esme to be with her?"

_You know my mind as well as I do. This isn't a discussion that we've ever had to this depth. I'd be interested to hear your opinion._

"Forgive me, perhaps this it too intimate a subject."

_Not at all, truly. I am interested in your perspective._

I think back to the slow development of the end of our marriage and the change in our relationship as it shifted from lovers to friends. There was no momentous happening to herald a change, or any overnight realization that our feelings were evolving. It had almost been a natural progression, slow and insistent. We simply changed to be separate people again.

"I don't think it's in your nature to allow yourself to regret. You have a positive talent for making the best of what life presents to you," Edward replied. "I've always admired that about you."

_ You give me too much credit. Everyone has regrets._

"You have many thoughts on this subject, and many feelings. I don't believe any of them have ever reflected a sense of regret."

_No, letting her die would have been too much of a loss for the world. Look at all the love she brings to the people around her. I do regret that we were not meant to mean more to each other, and that because I wanted that to be the case, I've left us both in the world looking for our mates._

Perhaps having mated pairs within our coven, first with Rosalie and Emmett, and later when Alice and Jasper found us, provided the biggest realization for us both that we should be looking for something more. I had of course met mated pairs through my travels, and during my time with the Volturi, and understood the rush of awareness which was a common, defining experience when mates met. That instantaneous connection had not been the experience for Esme and I.

When I met Esme as a teenager, I saw in her personality, beliefs and spirit someone who I might have been attracted towards as a mortal. Had I still been mortal, we would have been a good match for marriage and I believe we might have enjoyed a long and happy union. As vampires, however, we are driven to seek out _more._

When I found her dying in the hospital, I had clung to that mortal recognition despite my knowledge of supernatural relationships. I had hoped, perhaps naïvely, we might have grown into something as strong as a conventional mating. Our family was unusual within the vampire world; it hadn't seemed unreasonable to believe that our joining might also grow in an unusual way amid the conventions of vampire mating. I was of course wrong, even though we did grow and change together; it was not from lovers to mates but from lovers to friends.

If I do have any regret, it is that I have brought her into a world in which she has had to wait for her other half. She is a deserving woman and I regret putting any burden on her shoulders because of my stubborn belief in what might have been rather than what had to be.

"You are too hard on yourself, and that qualm –for I would not call it a true regret – could be removed if she finds such an individual."

_I prefer to think of it as when._

Edward smiled. "See, ever the eternal optimist."

I laughed.

_My life is richer for knowing Esme, and I believe her when she has said the same sentiments. She is my confidante and a loved and loving member of my family. She was also my companion for many happy decades. I can say that without any bitterness even though we don't mean that to each anymore. What could I possibly have to regret? It is what it is._

"If it helps, I know she thinks the same way."

_And yet we began this discussion on the subject of your own singular status, did we not? Have you been considering seeking a companion for yourself recently? _I asked again, even though I know my worrying on this subject frustrates him on many levels._ If you have been reflecting on the subject of Esme and myself, it seems like a fair conclusion for me to come to._

"Did I also mention that I admired your ability for stubborn persistence?"

Edward laughed and I frowned. He is trying to deflect my attention from the subject which makes me want to explore it more.

"Don't put so much thought into it, old man. You'll get wrinkles," he joked.

_I worry…_

"And there's the first furrow," he joked again. "Truly, Carlisle, it's a subject that I consider from time to time, and then ignore. I've never met anyone who has caused me to need to debate companionship in depth, and the meeting of a mate would make the exploration of the subject a moot point anyway."

I know there is more to this than Edward wants to discuss. I've lived this existence, not always alone exactly – I have my family– but certainly separated from a true life partner long enough to understand how it can be wearing on the soul.

"You know my feelings about our kind and souls."

_I do, but still…_

"And there is your second furrow. I'm fine, please trust that I will come to you if I need to discuss this." I nodded reluctantly, but willing to respect if Edward felt he needed some space.

"I do."

I put my arm around his shoulder briefly, and he repeated the gesture. We shared a couple of manly shoulder slaps and then separated.

_My son._

I tried to fill the two words with the complexity and depth of pride and love that I have for Edward. His lips lifted in a small, private smile and I knew that he understood.

"Anyway, I can hear Rosalie and Emmett heading this way. It would appear that Emmett is trying to hide the fact that he is plotting some sort of hilariously funny joke involving somebody getting wet." Edward indicated the river below us.

"And the all knowing omniscient one and Jasper are heading in, too. She informs me that the odds are not good that everyone will stay dry."

We stood up and Edward indicated where we should wait, right by the edge where the river dropped over the falls into a wider pool below.

_All will become clearer shortly? _He nodded with a grin.

There was a blur of movement which flashed out of the dense cover of the trees and hurtled towards us with deathly precision. Edward calmly calculated his moment before pulling us both out of Emmett's path. It's a split second too late for poor Emmett to recognise that his ambitions of an ambush were being turned against him.

With the force of his momentum, and the help of a heavy shove from Edward, he pitched off the cliff. Edward, Rosalie and I are at the edge fast enough to see Emmett perform a perfect three hundred and sixty degree turn to land on his feet, agile as a cat. It was a shame his impressively neat landing was into metres deep water.

Emmett surfaced to find his mate and his intended victims laughing on one bank of the river and Alice and Jasper laughing just as hard on the other, while Alice carefully recorded the incident on her cell phone.

"God damn it!" Emmett yelled, shaking himself like a dog before he hauled himself out of the water and leaped up to join us on dry land.

"Seriously, Emmett. When are you going to learn that sneaking up on a team that includes a clairvoyant and a telepath is never going to end well," Rosalie scolded, referring to the unbeatable combination that was Edward and Alice. When he tried to chase her for a soggy hug, she squealed and raced away. It was twenty minutes before they returned, and they both looked rather damp.

We turned for home with Jasper and Edward teasing Emmett good-naturedly about his drenching while he made ominous threats of retribution in return. Their enjoyable bickering wrapped around me and my mood was content.

My family – this small group of mismatched personalities– are loved and more important to me than anything else in my world. They are a constant source of frustration and delight and I will never feel deprived, whatever the challenges of my limited immortality, while we are together.

"Well said, old man," Edward teased from behind me. "I know exactly what you mean."

"Care to share with the rest of the class," Rosalie asked.

"Leave them alone," Alice chided with a smile. "They're continuing a moment."

The promised storm and heavy rain caught up with us as we ran through the forest, crossing the Montana wilderness towards home. We were a mile out from our Columbia Falls home when we realised that all was not as it should be.

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_Song for this chapter: Bring Him Home (from Les Misérables) - ThePianoGuys (copy/paste into youtube)._

_This one is not so much because of the content of the original song but because that version of it feels like Carlisle's mood in this chapter._


	3. Chapter 2 - Plagal

Chapter Two – Plagal

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_According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves._

_Plato -The Symposium_

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Everyone's mood was lighthearted as we headed back at a leisurely pace. Even Edward, whose temperament had been somber lately, seemed lighter.

Out of context within our surroundings, I'm sure we made quite a sight. Six unearthly pale adults strolling through the nighttime blackness of the Montana wilderness in a rain storm, as if we were taking a walk after lunch.

Emmett wasn't so much strolling as bouncing as he reenacted wrestling with his recent dinner, and debated with Jasper whether his gift could be used to make his next meal feistier. His queries were absurd, since Jasper was not able to influence animals, outrageous, just because of the subject matter, and completely Emmett.

Jasper walked with his arm across Alice's shoulders, and his expression was tranquil while he dealt with Emmett's tormenting in his usual good-natured way. Edward, Rosalie and I walked behind.

Boring quickly with his fruitless conversation with Jasper, Emmett's bouncing changed to stepping from side to side with his fists up, like a boxer warming up before a fight. When he turned towards me, jogging backwards and grinning widely, I knew I would be his next target for mischief.

"What about you, Carlisle? Aren't there any drugs you could rustle up that we could use on a nice, fat brown bear? Adrenaline, maybe?"

Rosalie rolled her large eyes at her husband with wry amusement, but I found myself frowning. I hoped he was joking, but one can never completely tell with Emmett. I found his speculation uncomfortable. Over stimulating an animal with drugs to encourage a more furious fight or flight response prior to their death seemed cruel.

"Seriously?" Rosalie scolded.

Emmett rolled his eyes back at his wife and stepped to her side as Rosalie jabbed an elbow into Emmett's stomach, which he dodged easily. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close, pressing a kiss onto her cheek. With his arm around his wife, his always high-energy and almost physically forceful personality gentled as Rosalie relaxed against Emmett's bulk.

"So, Carlisle?" Emmett asked, still pursuing his earlier topic.

Despite my misgivings on the subject matter, I replied, keeping my voice as even toned as possible, "I'm a doctor not a vet, Emmett."

Edward looked to me and then in Emmett's direction with a disapproving eyebrow lift. Emmett's steadily paced walking hesitated for a second as he took in the look from Edward.

"You know, I'm kidding, right? Aw, come on. _That's_ why Carlisle suddenly looks like he's sucking on lemons? _Really?_

"You two are such a buzz kill. It's like a twisted episode of _Pinkie and the Brain_; if the Brain suddenly turned into Captain Compassion and Pinkie had a pole shoved up his…"

"Emmett!" Rosalie yelled. "I doubt very much that either Carlisle or Edward care to be compared to some obscure animated series that you obsessed over in the nineteen- nineties."

"Well, excuse me. We can't all spend our limitless time reading medical journals and brooding over a piano," Emmett replied.

"I don't think any of us expect you to take part in such _reserved_ occupations. Cartoons are probably about your level," Edward said with dry humor.

Emmett made to lunge at Edward with a mock growl, and Edward jumped out of his reach easily.

"Besides, I would be the Brain and Carlisle Pinkie. _Clearly_."

Laughter sounded loudly in the otherwise silent forest, with Edward's melodious baritone perhaps the loudest.

Alice, still laughing, faltered slightly at Jasper's side, her face dazed. Jasper was instantly on alert, shifting in front of her, on guard, and we all stopped. As I watched Alice slowly came back to herself, there was a shift in the wind. It ruffled the dark spikes of Alice's hair and brought with it a new element to tease my senses and set ice in my heart. Loud and brutal within the silent, dark beauty of the forest, the heavy yet floral scent of spilt blood danced on the wind and was followed by the shrill, chilling screams of human in agony.

Worried, I turn in the direction of the scent, my predatory senses focusing on the blood at the same time as the doctor in me listened intently to the galloping thumps of a human heart in distress.

"Is that coming from the hous–" Rosalie's tense query was cut off abruptly.

"Stop him!" Alice screamed.

I turned instinctively towards Jasper, as the mostly likely candidate to lose control. My decision was wrong and gave the true focus of Alice's distress time to shoot forward with tremendous speed.

A rush of air passed me. I was chilled by the coal black of Edward's eyes as he ran. There was nothing left of my controlled, thoughtful son behind those eyes. He was just _gone. _ I was running before I time to think clearly, pushing my body for as much a speed as I could manage; focused only on saving Edward from himself. I didn't let myself linger on unwelcome thoughts about Edward being the fastest runner in the family.

From behind me I heard Alice yelling, "Go, Jasper!" Jasper overtook me quickly in response to the urgency in Alice's voice. "Oh, _no!"_ Her distress made me push myself harder as I heard the rest of the family running.

"He's mindless with bloodlust, I've never felt anything like it from Edward," Jasper yelled back to us.

"I've felt it," Emmett shouted, guilt in his tone. He sounded so different from his normal, easy humored self. I recognised the source of his guilt with dread, and the thought left me cold.

"Jasper, you've got to stop him!" Alice yelled again. "Hurry! Go, Carlisle, go!"

I reached the outer edge of the lawns that surround our home in time to see Edward jump straight through one of the panes of the cathedral style, two storey windows which made up the gable of one end of the house. As lethally fast as a bullet from a gun, he smashed into the building. Shattered glass fell to the ground like glittering crystal snow; reflected back the lights from the living room which were blazing out into the garden.

The human's screaming continued sharp, agonized and unending. The distressed sounds were bitterly louder without the slight muffling affect of the window. It was painful to hear.

Jasper hurtled through the window only a second behind Edward and the sounds of their bodies colliding and of wood and dry wall being smashed and crushed join the human's cries, creating a horrendous cacophony of noise.

Cursing my slowness, I leaped through the broken window and ran to the woman's side. The living room was destroyed, furniture upended and there was a hole in the back wall where Jasper has tackled Edward straight into the next room. I heard them smashing up the games room next door as they snarling and thrashed together. Then more smashing, as they went through another wall into the little used kitchen beyond. Emmett raced to join Jasper, blurring passed where I was crouched on the floor amid the remains of furniture and building materials. The scuffling noises and snarling became even louder.

With a muttered curse, I up end the remains of a heavy sectional, leather couch under which the writhing woman was pinned. She had presumably been knocked from it when Edward dived for her blood. There was another loud smashing sound from the back of the house, caused by Rosalie and Alice circling around to help with Edward.

My mind was a mess of thoughts as I hurriedly removed debris from her twisting body. What were the chances? His singer in our house. What was she doing here? It made no sense. The scent of her blood was loud in the air, like flowers and honey.

Throwing a large cushion behind me, I uncovered her finally to find a drenched, muddy and bruised, dark haired woman. Her body was moving in a grotesque dance of muscle seizures and jerks as she arched her back and neck high off the polished wood floor trying to express her torment. Her lips were bloodless against the sweaty, pale white of her skin as she sobbed and screamed with her eyes tight shut.

I moved her gently onto the fireside rug, despite knowing that she was unlikely to be able to find any comfort amidst the agony of the burn from something as simple as a softer surface to lay on. I was unable to stand leaving her twisting in pain on the floor for some reason; it seemed inhuman.

The unnatural way her shoulder and arm moved as I lifted her, alerted me to the damage on her left side. Her shoulder was dislocated and the lower arm most likely broken. There was a large gash above her left eye which ran into her hair line but very little blood escaped the wound. Bruises in the shape of finger prints were ringed around her throat.

A single bite mark marred the skin high on her wrist and onto the bottom of her left hand and was the explanation for why there was such a lack of blood from her head wound. She had been bitten and drained, but it was not Edward's scent that I could smell on her skin. I breathed a sigh of relief for that mercy at least, even as my heart broke for the ordeal that she had been through.

"I want to help you," I said, trying to soothe her as she sobbed, lost in her pain

I checked the alignment of the bones in her arm, then fashioned a crude brace from strips of leather and wood from the debris on the floor. With a quick twist of my hands, I reset her shoulder into the socket, and folded her broken arm across her chest to protect it. Her response was predictable as she screamed louder, struggling against my restraining hands. Fresh tears escaped from under her closed eyelids. I was flooded with remorse.

"I know, I know, its hurts. I'm so sorry. I'm a Doctor. Your arm and shoulder were damaged, I had to realign them."

I comprehended how futile my attempts to calm her were. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from trying. Rather like my attempt to provide comfort through offering her a softer place to lay; I was committed to trying to give her every reassurance for some unknown reason.

"I'm so very sorry for your pain."

Without understanding why, I wanted I deeper level of contact with her and my hands reached out to her gently. I might not understand why I felt this need, but that didn't stop me from touching her face softly. Or letting my thumbs run along the curve of her cheekbones. Or stroking the blood and mud matted hair away from her face. I wanted her to feel me. To understand that I would be with her through the burn and that I would be waiting for her on other side of the worst agony she would ever feel. I wanted her to realise she was not alone.

"This won't last forever, and I won't leave you. We'll get to the other side of this together."

Under the mud and the blood and bruising from her injuries, I could see she was a very attractive. Once she had completed the change she would be…remarkable. Unconsciously my hands returned to her face again and felt the soft, fragile warmth of her skin between my palms. One hand drifted to the silk of her dark brown hair again. The shifting colours of mahogany brown and red captivated me, as my fingers stroked through the individual stands, as they reflecting the light despite the grit and mess that polluted her hair. There was something about her that just drew me in. She was beautiful even in her agony.

I didn't know if it was wishful thinking on my part, but she seemed to have settled slightly under my hands. She still moved agitatedly, arms and legs twitching as her muscles shuddered. Her previously high, strained screams were now quieter, more whimper-like sounds which escaped from behind her tightly clenched teeth.

Knowing that I had to finish examining her, I lifted my hands from her face. Her response was brutally fast as she cried out loudly, and her movements seemed to become more agitated.

Surprised, I touched her cheek again, making hushing noises. The contrast of the raging warmth of her skin against coldness of my hand caused a distracting tingle in my palm that I don't think I had ever noticed before.

"I'm right here, I won't leave you, but I need to check for more injuries."

I skimmed my hands gently over her other arm and then down both legs. She flinched when I touched her lower legs, and yelled loudly when I made contact with her ankles.

Fury washed over me. The injuries this fragile little woman had suffered were horrific. Emmett's earlier teasing about playing with his food passed through my mind and I knew that such a scenario had been her fate, too.

"I'm right here."

I carefully ripped then pulled off the boots, socks, and black leggings that she was wearing to reveal the pale, bruised skin on both of her legs and two smashed ankles. On my knees, I turned my back to her to examine the injuries more closely.

"I'm right here."

I could felt a complex mixture of emotions rising in me, threatening my usual calm. I didn't understand why I was so affected by her plight, yet I was helpless to stop my reaction. It was a struggle to make myself observed the mottled black, and yellow bruised marks on her skin in the shape of more finger marks with any level of professional detachment. This attack had been about more than just feeding. The felt sick to the bottom of my soul at the thought.

My voice was choked as I continued to speak to her, "I'm sorry, little one, so sorry. No one should have to go through what you have gone through."

I knew what I had to do, yet was incongruously unwillingly to inflict more pain despite the medical need. I had to make my hands check the alignment of the bones in her feet and ankles. She jerked under my hands and cried out as I used the remains of her leggings as a makeshift binding for both of her feet to stabilise the fractures and reduce the swelling. It felt like her agony was my agony. The relief I felt once I finished could have, figuratively, brought me to my knees, it was so deep.

"Your so brave, little one, so brave."

Needing a moment, I sat back on my hunches and tried to collect myself, fisting my hands through my hair as a stressed sigh rattled out of my lungs. My next breath brought with it the scent of her blood tinged with venom, and my fury spiked again.

It was too late to stop the transition, I knew that before I ever entered the building, but the smell of the venom she had in her system was very dilute. Even the smallest amount of venom would start a transition. The amount of venom allowed to enter a body defined how long the burn would last and she had very little in her body. Her burn might have been progressing unnecessarily long and less productive hours because of the way she had been bitten–her suffering extended as a result.

Struggling with myself, I tried to recapture some calm, and only noticing how still she had suddenly become in the same moment that a shaking, warm hand brushed against the tense, hunched muscles of my back. My skin under the wet cotton of my scrub top shivered in reaction.

I twisted around quickly to see her face, catching the hand that had been against my back up in my own as I kneeled by her less injured, right side. The same shiver of reaction to her touch, vibrate from my hand along the skin of my arm, like a mild electric charge. She tried to turn her head to face me, but whimpered in pain because of the movement of her injured head against the rug. I moved my other hand to cushion the weight of her head as a soft, hissing sound of distress escaped my lips. It felt like her pain was my pain for a sharp, brief moment. The intense need to be near her – in contact with her–flooded over me again, and my fingers tightened around her hand.

"Gently. Don't move. I know it hurts. You need to be still." My thumb sketched circles against the skin on the back of her hand, trying to provide comfort. The strange thing was, I wasn't sure if it was for her or for me.

Her face puckered into a sort of concentrated grimace as she tried to turn her head again. I supported her head carefully, leaning closer as I helped her tilt her head in my direction. Her dark brown eyes opened fever bright and fathoms deep with pain and I was captivated.

It felt as though the earth underneath me was no longer stable as she held me immobile with invisible constraints. It was like a delicate tie of feeling had been woven between us. Beautiful and fragile at first glance, like a spider's web of silk, but strong as steel at its core. I had never experienced anything like it in my long existence but felt no need to break free.

It was like my focus was no longer my own because everything else around us just faded away. It belonged only to the tiny scrap of failing humanity who lay before me on the floor. I was held immobile with nothing more than the promise of a few precious second of her lucid attention.

I could see that she was struggling as her pain threatened to steal her focus away from me. My hand tightened again on her own with anticipation. My vision narrow until it only encompass the weight of her gaze and the tremendous effort she was making to keep her eyes open and maintain our fragile connection. I held my breath waiting.

Her eyelids drooped with fatigue but with a softly sobbed breath, she managed to lift them again and she held my gaze. When she let out her next breath, I copied, matching the rhythm of her breathing perfectly; still waiting.

Instinctive and undeniable, I could feel an unequivocal intimacy grow between. It was as extraordinary as it was terrifying. Heavy between us, the eloquent silence in which we existed might have lasted for scant seconds or endless hours; time seemed to hold so little meaning.

Silent.

Consuming.

Safe...

There was a loud thump somewhere in the house, and I startled at it like a child frightened at a loud noise in the dark and our moment was shattered. I felt her fingers tighten on my own as I turned in the direction of the dragging noise I had heard. She whimpered, and I made a soft hushing noise in the back of my throat.

"I'm here, I won't leave you."

Emmett, Alice and Rosalie, with a slumped Edward supported between them, entered the room and began pulling him towards the door to the outside. Jasper followed closely behind with his hand on Edward's neck and look of extreme concentration on his face. When Alice broke away from the group and came toward us, I tensed.

It was instinctive. I didn't even think. My muscles moved into motion as I placed her back on the floor underneath me, and crouched over the top of her shaking body. Head up, eyes hard, I growled towards Alice. I didn't care who she was to me, she needed to stay away from us. Far away.

Alice fell back several steps with a shocked expression on her face as Jasper flitted to Alice's side, pulling her away and behind his back before standing very still as he watched us intently. When his head cocked to one side, it was as though he were assessing my intent to defend the woman underneath me.

I crouched lower, my chest against her chest as she lay between my braced arms. I was ready to prove my commitment to any fight that might be necessary. Another growl rushed up from inside me, and rumbled out into the tension that was already thick in the room.

"Carlisle?" Alice said, coming out from behind Jasper, her hand outstretched.

"No, Alice! We need to give him some space right now," Jasper cut her off abruptly, holding her back.

In that same moment, Edward roused suddenly, and the first breath that he pulled into his lungs seemed to reignite the fight inside of him. He fought against the hold of Emmett and Rosalie, his body arching and twisting. Snarls roared from his mouth which I matched in both volume and ferocity.

"_Holy shit! _Jasper, a little help here would be good!" Emmett yelled.

I felt the effect of Jasper pushing calm out into the room as he pulled Alice away from both Edward and I. I didn't like the manipulation of my emotions, or the way the room suddenly felt too full; it was…

Oppressive.

Uncomfortable.

Dangerous

They were a threat and this place wasn't safe. Without taking my eyes off the group in front of us, I lifted her up against my chest with an arm under her knees and backed out of the room towards the stairs. Jasper mirrored my movement, pushing Alice away to the side while standing between us and where Edward continue to struggle with Emmett and Rosalie. I tracked the movement of everyone in the room below us as I backed up the stairs.

No one followed us as I entered my bedroom, and the door slammed behind us as I deposited her gently onto my bed, and hovered over the top over her again.

The commotion from downstairs continued. From the sounds, I could tell that they were moving away, out of the building and into the garden and the forest beyond. I couldn't concentrate on that. I have more immediate needs. I just had to see her look at me once.

Just one more time.

"Please," I murmured agitatedly, holding her face and stroking her cheeks anxiously. "Please."

She was writhing in pain beneath me again as I tilted her head to face at me. I was begging silently in my head for her to gift me with her open eyes. I wanted our connect back. I felt lost without it.

"I just want –"

My prayers were answered as her lids lifted to reveal eyes that were clouded with confusion but she still managed to catch and hold my hungry gaze, piercing me to my very soul. I was once again willingly trapped in the softest brown eyes I had ever seen.

"You stayed..." she murmured, her voice whisper quiet and rough.

Two simple words spoken in a voice ravaged by the damage to her elegant throat, and my fate was sealed. My unalterable world caved in on itself. I felt myself shatter with a depth of feeling that I had never experience, imploding from within across every nerve ending. I was in pieces because she was the destroyer of everything that was me.

I had existed in this state for more than three centuries. Frozen into the form in which I meet and then cheated death. This beautifully fragile slip of failing humanity had altered the unalterable. I have been rewritten as hers.

The same sense of intimate comfort settled between us. Her hands lifted, and lay against the back of my own palm down, as though she was trying to insure that I could not remove my hands from her face. As if I could. I needed to be touching her in the middle raging turbulence of this moment more, as much a ship needed a harbour in a storm.

An intention to never let her go flashed through my mind flavoured with a primitive possessiveness that I had never experienced. I wondered if she could read it in my eyes as her own narrowed slightly as if in response.

Her face tensed suddenly and it seemed as though her eyes lost focused suddenly. A loud groan escaped her soft mouth and her back arched in pain.

Selfishly, I didn't want to lose the moment of connect and my hands tightened on her face, thumbs stroking against her cheek bones in a selfish attempt to distract her attention back to me. I wasn't ready to let her go yet. I could see her struggle to stay in the moment as she pulled in a pained breath and her eyes opened so wide that I could see the white around her irises for a moment.

Her finger curled in claws on top of my hands and I could almost feel how hard she was fight to stay despite her pain. Agony was written across her face. Desperate to keep her with me, I opened my fingers around her own, and our hands twine together tighter. Her fingers curled under mine, as her nails pressed hard against the unyielding skin of my palms.

I moved my hands, with our fingers still woven together, away from her face, laying one of our clasped hands against my chest above my still heart, and brought the other first to my lips and then the side of my face.

"I'm here," I murmured and watched her struggle to swallow.

Her mouth formed the word, "Stay."

"Always," I replied without hesitation.

Her lashes swept down against her cheeks for a second and then lifted again. I felt her fingers relax within my hands for briefest of seconds before tightening again as she shuddered. The burn was slowly dragging her back into its greedy arms. I could see the fight to draining out of her as the pain consumed her a little more with each agonised breath she took. I felt helpless.

I wanted to weep for her, despite my inability to form tears. To beg to any deity that would listen to let me take the pain into my own body so I might burn in her stead.

I lifted her up against me and her head lolled back against my shoulder, forcing me to release one of her hands so that I could touch her face.

"Name?" she gasped as her free hand clawed into my scrub top.

"Carlisle."

She bowed suddenly in my arms, her head falling forward then back with a sickening thump against the hard surface of my shoulder as her back arched and she screamed out. I could smell the fresh bruise forming underneath her delicate skin.

"Oh, God!" she sobbed her face contorting with pain, eyes tight shut.

"Stay with me." I begged, my hand supporting the gentle curve of her skull so that she was facing me. "I know it hurts, but stay with me."

Her eyes focused with mine for the briefest, blessed moment. "Can't...sorry..." Her back arched again as she whimpered her pain with increasing volume until she was suddenly shrieking her agony. "Carlisle!"

When her eyes rolled back in head I knew I she was lost to me, but she had gifted me with sound of my name on her lips before she fell back into the burn.

It was a small comfort, but I don't even know her name. That thought broke my heart.

I knew what needed to be done. The amount of another's venom polluting her system would cause her to change but it would be an unnecessarily long and protracted affair. By overloading her system with my venom the change will be more intense, but end sooner.

It was a base, possessive and completely uncharacteristically violent response from me, but I want my venom to burn over and through the other's venom. I wanted no trace of theirs to be left in her delicate body.

I bury my face into the side of her neck, taking time to memorise her smell before pressing a kiss to her forehead, cheek and month upon which I whisper an apology for the agony that I am about to make so much more intense and a promise that I would not leave her side, ever.

I repeated the bite mark that brought me into this world as my teeth sunk into the right side of her neck, and then her right wrist. On her left wrist I took care to line my teeth up with the other's bite and bore down, pressing slightly harder than necessary to make sure it is my mark that she will carry on her body for the rest of eternity. I repeated placed bites on both her ankles, and then dragged her limp form tightly against my chest and curved myself around her in a mute attempt at protection.

Minutes passed as she jerked and trembled in my arms as came back to myself slowly. Rationality returned as I silently struggled against my instincts. I wanted us to be alone, safe within the four walls of my room. I had a primitive need to sequester her away from the rest of the world until the burn was finished. She was vulnerable and I was her protection, but I needed help to ensure that I could give her the best care. Her needs had to be met regardless of how loudly my needs were shouting inside of me.

Forcing myself, I call out, "Alice? Rosalie?"

I heard feet on the stairs and the door to my room open as they entered.

"Can you run a cold bath, as cold as you can get it." Alice moved to complete my request before I had even finished the sentence as I heard the rush of water coming from the open door of my bathroom.

"Rosalie, I need morphine." Shifting her against my chest, I tested the soft, slight weight in my arms and calculated a dose. "5 mg injection and 1mg per hour in an IV." Rosalie nodded once and returned quickly with the necessary equipment from my study.

I administer the injection and placed the IV with practiced movements, gaining some comfort from the thought that this small part of the medical knowledge might help keep her unconscious enough to hide from the pain, even if it only lasted for a few short of hours. I would have to remove the IV before her skin began to harden, so the relief would only last for a limited time.

"Ready," Alice said softly and I stood and walked carefully to the bathroom. My intent was to try to ease her burn with chill of my body and cold water and to allow the evidence of her attack to be washed from her body.

Rosalie watched me silently as I lifted her against my chest with an arm under her knees. As I moved, the skirt of the tunic dress that she was wearing shifted, and Rosalie flinched as the skin of her upper thighs was exposed slightly.

I didn't need to look down to know what she was seeing with such a horrified expression –the imprint of finger marks marring the pale skin of inner thighs in mottle shades of purple and blue bruising. The marks were high up and on the both legs, position against the skin of her inner thighs. We both knew what the marks meant.

Her delicate, floral scent had not been polluted with the fluids of her attacker save for the venom in her blood, mercifully. That didn't mean that she hadn't been made to suffer some level of sexual, physical violence as part of the ordeal that had brought her to our home.

I watched the misery of dark memories flash across Rosalie's lovely face before determination replaced her vulnerability. I reached out to Rosalie, and she allowed me to brush my fingers against her shoulder briefly before she rejected my silent support. She met my worried gaze with an expression which held a strong purpose. She would be here for new sister in every way that she might be needed when she awoke. I was grateful for Rosalie's strength.

I turned and entered the bathroom, strangely grateful for the oversized, claw footed bath that Esme had selected for the room and which I had rarely used. I normal used the shower cubicle that also occupied the room. The size and depth of the bath suited my purpose well.

I stopped briefly to kick off my shoes before climbing fully clothed into the bath. Frigidly cold water slopped over the side and onto the tiled floor as I sunk down. She went ridge in my arms, thrashing weakly as the cold enveloped the fever warmed heat of her skin. I tried to soothe her as best I could with my voice, talking to her with my face pressed against the side of her head.

"I'm here. I won't leave."

Rosalie came into the room as Alice backed out with a soft explanation that she was going to speak to Jasper. Rosalie approached the side of the bath slowly and dropped down on her knees onto the wet, tiled floor. She placed a wash cloth and several items at her side.

"There are things that need to be done to prepare her..." Rosalie said delicately.

I shuddered. I couldn't help myself, the thought of someone else touching her was almost too much to bare. Worst, perhaps, because I have seen the marks of brutality on her small body.

I nodded once, unable to vocalise my agreement, and pulled her tighter against me, burying my face in her neck, eyes shut.

"I will be gentle, Carlisle. I swear," Rosalie said softly. I don't look as her quiet hands moved quickly to first cover her with a large bath towel in the water. It was a small gesture, considering the indignities she has had to suffer, but I was grateful that Rosalie was doing her best to maintain her dignity. Rosalie then began to cut away her soiled clothes and wash the grim and blood away.

Once the water turned a murky, brownish red, Rosalie emptied and then refilled the tub before returning to the task of preparing her body and hair for an eternity of being frozen into the same state in which it died.

Rosalie finished by checking the alignment of the lower bones of her arm, and ankles. Then slipped on a fabric brace and bandaging both ankles with pressure bandages from my medical supplies. When she is finished, I rose up out of the bath and wrapped the sopping wet towel tighter around her as I walked with her through to my bedroom.

Alice was waiting by the bed holding a small bundle of clothes and more towels. The bed has been remade with clean white sheets. Rosalie went to the door with a tied up plastic bag, and scent of her blood and dirty clothes drifted across the room. She placed the bag out in the hall and then closed the door before taking the clean clothes from Alice.

"If you can let us, we could take her for a moment and dress her for you while you change," Alice said softly.

"Whatever you need us to do, Carlisle," Rosalie added quietly.

They were giving me a choice to let her go or sort out dressing her myself. Either way I knew she will need to be dressed. I hesitated, the thought of letting her out of my arms even of the shortest of moment was torture. Unacceptable. But it was about what I needed.

I remembered Rosalie's careful, gentle handling of her in bath. The dignity that she provided by keeping her covered despite her unconsciousness. Perhaps I needed to give her that dignity, too, but allowing her sisters to dress her, even if the thought of being parted from her left me hollow with panic.

"You could change at the same time." Alice pointed to a bundle of clothes on a chair opposite the bed; it was the hiking outfit I had planned to wear hunting.

Seconds pass. They can see my selfish hesitation, I'm sure.

"If we could have her just for a second," Rosalie coxed, her arms reaching out. "She'll be more comfortable when she wakes if she's dressed."

Reluctant, but seeing the sense in Rosalie's argument, I shifted her weight from my arms to Rosalie's and Alice held the IV bag. They turned to the bed to begin.

The scream starts almost a minute after my hand leaves her skin. Gritting my teeth against the urge to snatch her back, I rushed to get changed quickly, discarding my wet clothes and pulling on the dry ones so urgently that I can hear the seams rip in places in my haste.

I rushed to the side of the bed and Rosalie moved back to give me room. Alice was supporting her in a sitting position as she thrashed against her restraining arms. She screamed again, fighting Alice, and the screaming only stopped when she had emptied her lungs of air, then began again with her next breath. Alice had only just managed to finish pulling a hooded top up her arms when my patience ended.

"Give her to me!" I growled, unfairly sharp because of her distress. I put my knee on the bed and reached out to take her from Alice's arms, then turned to sit on the edge of the bed as I laid her back down against the bed, holding her face between my hands.

"I'm here, I'm here. I didn't leave."

She screamed again, long and low, but when she filled her lungs again, instead of another scream, she whimpered. It was a sad sound– full of hurt and confusion.

I laid my forehead against her's and begged for forgiveness. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't leave. We just wanted to get you dressed. I won't leave, I swear."

"Carlisle?" Rosalie asked softly. I turned to see her standing quietly by the side of the bed holding navy yoga pants. "Can I put these on her to finish?"

I nodded roughly. "I won't leave, I swear. Rosalie and Alice are going to finish dressing you, but I'm right here."

She settled slightly. Her whimpers becoming moans, and her thrashing slowed and gentled to shudders and flinches of movement. Rosalie carefully slid the soft trousers up her legs with the help of Alice, and I lifted her into my arms so that they can pull them up her waist.

I settled her against me, and she turned her face until it was pressed against the skin of my neck as she rolled, with some support from me, onto her side half on top of my chest and half on the bed between my splayed legs. Laying my head against her still damp hair, I breathed deeply, trying to calm my clamouring emotions, and rocking us both gently.

Alice moved into my line of sight, and I realised that she and Rosalie were ready to leave the room. I had spoken to her too harshly, in the stress of the moment.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I shouldn't have snapped. It's just–"

"I understand." She moved as though to touch my hand, but never made contact.

Thoughts whirled through my head –so many things needed to be considered. Her safety had to be secured before anything else, but was difficult to focus on where to start. I and still want them out of the room.

"I need to speak to Edward and Jasper."

"Edward left once Emmett and Jasper had calmed him and he understood what happened. He didn't want to come back to the house just in case."

"He understands it wasn't his fault?"

"Yes, he's more worried about you than anything else. It's safer for him to be elsewhere, just for now," Alice soothed.

"Jasper is downstairs. Take some time; he'll come up when you're ready. We'll start sorting out the house in the meantime."

She and Rosalie left the room, and we were alone.

I pulled her quiet but still jerking body closer to me and buried my face into her hair trying to reach for some calm. Despite my earlier wish for us to be alone in the room, the new silence was oppressive and lonely. Each pained twitch and jerk of her muscles, despite the strength of the opiates that were in her tiny body, reminded me of the agony she still had to face; days and days of burning. How would I stand it with any sanity intact?

Guilt pummeled me instantly. Who was I to worry about my on sanity when she was the one feeling the burn? I was a selfish creature. I needed to calm down, and think clearly.

Three deep and unnecessary breathes against the overheated skin of her throat later, and I was no closer to being in control. My forth breath stuttered and escaped me as a silent sob, which was followed by another and yet another.

Struggling, I fell into the behaviors of comfort and worship that I learned so long ago, mouthing the words silently into her hair. Instead of the supplication of bent knees, I offered the rocking of the woman suffering in my arms as my voice whispering words that had followed me from childhood to adulthood, and onwards into this existence.

I prayed for us both as I clutched her against my body as though she was my only anchor to this world because she was exactly that–my anchor.

"O God the Father of heaven: have mercy upon us miserable sinners.

"O God the Son, Redeemer of the world: have mercy upon us miserable sinners.

"O God the Holy Ghost, proceeding from the Father and the Son: have mercy upon us miserable sinners.

"O holy, blessed, and glorious Trinity, three Persons and one God: have mercy upon us miserable sinners.

"Remember not, Lord, our offences, nor the offences of our forefathers; neither take thou vengeance of our sins: spare us, good Lord, spare thy people, whom thou hast redeemed with thy most precious blood, and be not angry with us forever.

"Spare us, good Lord.

"From all evil and mischief; from sin, from the crafts and assaults of the devil; from thy wrath, and from everlasting damnation,

"Good Lord, deliver us.

"From all blindness of heart; from pride, vain-glory, and hypocrisy; from envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness,

"Good Lord, deliver us..."

* * *

The words that Carlisle recites are from the _Litany_ from the Church of England _Book of Common Prayer_.

Songs for this one (if you want them) are all available on youtube:

Arwen's Vigil – Piano Guys  
Pieces - Red


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